My Dream Girl Don't Exist

Posted on September 19, 2018

at the age of five she slit her wrists

minor thoughts today on a question that i seem to get asked a lot, and im not 100% sure why.

it goes a little something like

so tA, what sort of girls are you into?

it’s a fairly common question i imagine, and given the importance and focus that today’s society places on relationships and sexual encounters i believe its something that isn’t irrelevent to ask, however it always gets me thinking.

what do you answer to that question?

commonly i hear people giving answers in a few categories, so here we go:

physical features

i’m all about that red hair bro

is this how i should answer? i don’t think so. i can say that from a purely visual point of view, i have certain commonalities towards what i find attractive, perhaps im more like to find someone with red or brunette hair attractive compared to someone with blond[e] hair.

does that mean im into redheads? i don’t think so.

for one, as i’ve already touched on, this is by no means a hard and fast rule, it is, as one might say


on the other hand, regardless of the relevence of this aspect, it fails to take into account everything else about the person which is arguably much more important, and as such, im not sure this is what you should answer.

personality features

gotta have a fun girl y’know?

at the other end of the spectrum is the personality aspect. i think most people see this as the correct answer, its the size of her heart that matters, not her titter totters.

in all honesty i think this is both naive and practically egotistical.

lets think about this for a second

you’re saying that you both:

  • understand your own psyche enough to know what personality matches you
  • are confident that either your psyche won’t change over time, or you can predict accurately how it will
  • understand other peoples psyches enough from interaction alone to know they match your own
  • are confident enough that you can accurately predict how another persons psyche will change over their lives to know they will continue to match.

now im no stranger to the god complex, but holy hell this is one egotistical person that believes this.

i still believe that out of the first passover answers this is the correct one to go for, it has much more of an accurate match to how i both think, and believe you should think, about relationships, but god damn i can’t get over people who think they have this figured out.

common stereotype

big tiddy goth gf; thicc thighs save lives bro

this is an interesting one, to me, anything like this is essentially a “get out of jail free card” for the question.

its the equivilent of putting on your bro voice and talking about how much you think you’re gonna fail an exam, because you’re talking to big scary rugby players and they could beat you to a pulp easily

this is not an answer to the question “what sort of girls are you into?”, this is basically saying;

i refuse to answer your question. instead i am going to simultaeneously prove that i am a normal person with semi-normal thoughts, and align myself with a group of people, such that we may divert the conversation to hobbies and interests instead also i am definitely not a spider

outside of that, it also, in some capacity, plays into what the media have fed us. how many shows have an average white guy who somehow gets either an alty girl or a goth girl. its the standard go-to for anyone who is a [dz]oomer, and i don’t think it gives any actual answer to the question.

final thoughts

what sort of girls am i in to? thats an easy question

my dream girl don’t exist - Jeff Magnum

if i knew the type of girls i was into, i would be pursueing them.

if i knew there was a common physical trait that i loved above all, i would look out for it

if i knew anything at all about my dream girl, life would be far less interesting than it is now

just kidding, its OwO girls