Magic Item

Posted on April 2, 2019

today i came upon what i believe to be a magic item, an item of great power and importance, lying around my desk at work.

what follows is my experiences with it, and my theories as to its true power.

the item

nothing more than a plastic box full of screwdrivers for use with computers or other electronics. each screwdriver was a mixture of black and red, with a rubber grip and a variety of ends, whilst the enclosure itself was red with a clear plastic cover, edged by more red plastic.

as far as computer screwdriver go this was pretty plain, but you cannot judge a crook by their lover and as such, there is more to this box that has yet to meet our eyes.

the power

this thing is



to get in to.

i thought to myself

i have a bachelors degree, surely i can open this plastic case of screwdrivers

get dunked on you mizzityucking-fizzityucker

so i gave it to my coworker, again, with a veritable list of things that should qualify them as smart enough to open this case.


it wasnt until we handed it to one of the front end developers that we were able to get it open, upon which we dare not shut it for fear of closing it off from this world forever

the explanation

i believe this is some sort of virus to convert people into web developemnt. hear me out.

web development is balls, browsing the modern web in twenty this year is absolutely soul crushing and somehow kills your computer moreso than genetically evolving the perfect huniepop ai computing prime factors.

yet businesses need more web devs, so they need some way of getting people into front end web development.

but, businesses also have the power to get what they need, and as such, some shady arm of one of the biggest corporates in the world guarenteed has access to some occult bullsoykaf whatever power, and used it (combined with the power of crapitalism) to create this cursed object

but why?

think about it.

you have this box of screwdrivers you cant open, one day by chance, you start learning some front end web development, and that same day, youre able to open the case.

everyone else still cant, but it comes easy to you.

you show others how to do it but they just cant, except for your front end web development friends.

then you think

wow, i was having a pretty bad time recently, but now that ive started learning front end web delevopment, i got my first small success! sure it was just opening a case of screwdrivers, but now i feel happy, im going to continue on this path of learning front end web development.

and it has your soul

final thots

as soon as i came to this realisation, i put the box down, took a few steps back, and found a different set of non-cased screwdrivers, which did the job perfectly.

magic does exist in this world, ive seen it with my own three eyes used or nefarious purposes.

keep yourselves safe everyone, we dont know the extent to which the corporates have access to this technology.

always be running.